#you can change people's lives just by sharing

[viktortittiforov]

FYI, this is very similar to what you have to undergo in the czech republic in order to access medical and legal transition, and until this year(!) trans people living in CZ were also legally required to get medically castrated ("sterilized") in order to change their gender marker. the country kept that condition even after the european court of human rights ruled that it is a human rights violation, and only scrapped it this year after a czech trans man went to the czech constitutional court with it (i am not naming him because afaik his name is unknown to the public, i think he wanted it that way but am not sure).

as a czech nonbinary person currently trying to access medical transition and to change my legal name to a gender neutral one free of charge, i can confirm it's fucking hell. the humiliating, irrelevant, unscientific, pathologizing side of it is already well-described above, but i wanted to talk more also about the more practical difficulties. those obviously differ between CZ and UK and my experience is within CZ, but i think it may help you get an idea of what a person having to go through such a process really has to undergo, because even though i've known i'm nonbinary for 10 years and have been out as trans and nonbinary + well-informed about the state of czech trans healthcare + a part of the czechoslovak* trans community for about 6 of those years, it was not until i actually experienced this process for myself that i fully understood what an Ordeal it is. and i have (or have had) very close friends who i have seen going through it in real time.

buckle up. this will be long.

(and sorry to OP if i'm hijacking your post. i'm sharing the CZ context in order to also further illustrate the UK one, because i believe they are similar, not to derail the convo in favour of CZ. my intent is for people to better understand what trans people in certain countries have to deal with + for people to know that having access to free trans healthcare is really not all sparkles and rainbows (even as it is still a privilege that many trans people all over the world don't have).

we don't have GICs in CZ. so, in order to even get hormones, you have to:

go to a sexologist. sexologists are the main gatekeepers of medical transition in CZ and yes, it is very bizarre and based on some really old notions of what branch of medicine transness falls under. i also really do mean the word gatekeepers, not just because you have to go to them but because they really do gatekeep something severe. the majority of them are very cis- and hetero-normative (and also sexist), enforce normative gender expectations, see transness as a pathology (though what kind of pathology varies from sexologist to sexologist, some lean more towards sexual deviance, others towards mental illnese, etc), are suspicious of trans people not wanting (certain or any) medical interventions, and do not recognize nonbinary people as being "real"/valid/whatever word you want to use. there are literally 3 (three) sexologists in the country who are widely known in the czechoslovak trans community as being mostly OK (=not the things just listed or at least not as much as all the other sexologists). when i was starting my journey towards HRT (at least a year and a half ago now i think, probably closer to two years), i first contacted the 2 (out of those 3) which are closer to me; none of the "OK ones" are based in the city i live, and i live in the 2nd largest city in CZ. neither of them was accepting new "patients"* for the foreseeable future. luckily the third one was accepting new people, but he is basically on the other side of the country from me, so about 4–5 hours away by train or bus (=an 8hr roundtrip). this is annoying, exhausting, and expensive, as i've had to go see him at least 3 times by now and i still have not gotten a fucking testosterone prescription from him.

it's not easy to get the average sexologist to take you seriously. the three "OK ones" are significantly less gatekeepy and distrustful, but you usually have to do some convincing there, too. that includes dressing the "right" way, giving the "right" answers, having the "right" expectations of transition, etc. you learn what's "right" from the wider trans community and what's "right" is very, very, very normative. for most czech sexologists, you really for real have to prove not only that you're "trans enough"*, but also that once you transition, your current "pathological trans self" will become "normal" enough, gender conforming enough that you will cease being a treat or a disruption to the prevailing social gender order. it's literally designed to be a normalizing process. i have an MA in sociology with a focus on gender studies and for one of my uni essays i conducted a critical discourse analysis of the most prominent czech book about transness penned by czech sexologists, so i think i'm qualified to say this. the whole thing is very foucauldian but let's not get too philosophical here (i will happily tell you more if you ask me though).

if you're lucky and the sexologist believes you may indeed be trans (because of course they have to believe you and of course they're the ones who decide what the truth is), they will (eventually; usually you need several sessions for them to "be sure" or whatever) give you a referral to 3–4 other specialists: a psychiatrist, a clinical psychologist, an endocrinologist and an internal medicine physician. from each of these, you have to get a report for your sexologist.

from the clinical psychologist, they need a report confirming that you are indeed trans (they give you the official diagnosis) and that you don't have any other conditions which you might be confusing for transness, e.g. schizophrenia, psychosis, etc. you don't need me to tell you how fucked this is for e.g. schizophrenic trans people. it's not always a certain no-go for them, but they will have an even more difficult time accessing medical transition.

from the psychiatrist, they need a report confirming you are lucid and don't have any conditions which are potential contraindications to HRT and/or surgery. this can be the conditions already listed above, but also conditions like intense and unmanaged depression and/or anxiety, which might worsen at the start of you taking hormones. i know this because i have depression and anxiety and my sexologist wants to be sure i am stable enough to go on HRT before he gives me the goddamn prescription. this seems like it makes sense on the surface, but it also... completely disregards the fact that a) anxiety, depression and similar conditions will often be improved by HRT in the long run because yknow, less bad gender feels, and b) depression medication also tends to first make your symptoms worse before it makes them better, and no one makes such a fuss about it.

from the endocrinologist, you need a report confirming that you don't have any hormonal conditions which might be contraindicative to HRT, i.e. which make it so that long-term (often lifelong) HRT would be risky/dangerous for you. it's not like there has to be zero risk or danger and many conditions are (i think) just potential, not absolute contraindications, but yeah. this is about the only examination/report that i think is justified and good and makes sense, but it still kind of sucks because at least in CZ, there is not nearly enough endocrinologists to effectively cover demand/need, much less endocrinologists with a good understanding of trans healthcare, and for some reason many are notoriously judgmental cunts eager to insult and belittle people, apparently. more on this later.

finally, from the internist, you need a report confirming basically the same thing as the endocrinology examination, but for conditions pertaining to internal organs and the effect HRT may have on them. this also makes sense and it is also not always needed if there's no reason to suspect (e.g. from your family's medical history) that you have any such conditions. however, it's shitty because for many people trying to access transition this is the first time they get referred to an internist, and a medical condition might suddenly be discovered which complicates their access to HRT. it's obviously good that the condition is now known, but it's shitty when it's so unexpected. my ex-gf (a trans woman), for example, found out she has a condition that makes it more likely she will get blood clots, which sucks because HRT increases your chance of getting blood clots (if i remember correctly). she is now on HRT, but had to wait a lot longer because several subsequent tests needed to be done, and she initially thought this last examination would just be a formality. (this problem with unexpectedness also applies to the results of the endocrinology exam, of course. but this is a wider problem of doctors being unwilling to sign off on preventive examinations...)

if you already go to one or some of these regularly, the sexologist will give you a paper requesting these medical reports instead of a referral. this is lucky, because usually all of these specialists are as difficult to access as the sexologists, or even more so, and if you already visit one you will be spared some waiting time. but it's unlucky if the person you go to is very uninformed about trans stuff and also uncooperative (i am experiencing this with my psychiatrist).

if you have any other chronic health conditions, you will need to also check whether those aren't contraindications. for example, i have some chronic eye issues so i have to get a report from my ophthalmologist, which is going to be fucking difficult because i bet they have no idea how eye conditions interact with HRT and they will most likely be unwilling to research it (even though that's literally their job). it is necessary, i get it, but it fucking sucks that i have to be the one "negotiating" with them about getting this report, said negotiating being tragically close to begging sometimes. czech doctors, and i think doctors in general, sadly often have little respect for their "patients" and believe they always know better, which makes it difficult to get them to do what you need them to do (as i'm sure many are aware).

most of these other specialists, at least in CZ, are similar to the sexologists or even worse, i.e. not only will you usually have to wait months for an appointment (if they even agree to offering you one and don't just tell you to try elsewhere), but they are uninformed about trans healthcare and uninformed about how to respectfully treat trans people, or even straight up transphobic, sexist, queerphobic, etc. perhaps because of this they are often uncooperative and unwilling (more than usual). there are exceptions and when you are nonbinary, you either have to seek those out or lie (=say you're binary trans), but obviously you can only lie to some of the specialists or it'll turn up in the reports and your sexologist is gonna read it and grill you about why you lied (if you go to an enby friendly sexologist and they know you are nonbinary, ofc. if they don't know either, then you can lie to everyone, but that can be stressful obviously). also even the specialists who aren't actively hostile will most likely misgender you if you don't pass, and sometimes even if you do; i've heard of endocrinologists who refuse to respect pronouns until the person has been sterilized and had their gender marker officially changed. apparently until it's legally sanctioned, it's not real, or i don't know.

in case of the sexologist and endocrinologist you will need to keep seeing them long-term so they can keep an eye on your health and well... on you generally, ig. the visits will be less frequent and shorter the longer you take hormones, i am led to believe, but yeah. and this is also good, i think (despite the aspect of being monitored to some extent), but it means your choice of sexologist and endocrinologst has to be strategic and you can't just say you will just go to that notoriously shitty guy near where you live because it's convenient and he can offer you an appointment relatively soon, unless you want to go through the ordeal of finding a new endocrinologist again immediately after your first appointment with that shitty guy.

all of this sucks, the doctors give you reports and requests and referrals but they don't know what the other doctors want, they are not satisfied with the reports (the extensiveness of them or the content itself), they say they can't help you. it's exhausting. apparently they can't just write or call each other to figure it out. you need to do all of that yourself.

that's the ordeal you have to go through just to get HRT. if you want surgery, in CZ you usually have to literally go sit in front of a panel of "experts" so they can grill you on your transition so far, what surgeries you want or don't want and why, what your expectations are, etc. yes, again. and these "experts" change somewhat for each hearing, and they usually know jack shit about transness or trans healthcare. from what i've heard they're very conservative. there's ways to get around this totally meaningless interrogation and afaik most people get the panel's approval and are only in that room for a short while, it's apparently very surface level unless you give them a reason to doubt your transness. but people have to wait months for their hearing. it's a further test of patience.

this is the route you have to go if you want to transition free of charge. i think it's great that CZ has universal healthcare, but universal healthcare comes with a lot of gatekeeping and hangups and problems, bcs the country wants to make sure you are only getting a given treatment if you really need it; and of course, the doctors are the judges of that. also, at least so far, free transition that falls under universal healthcare is predicated on transness being defined in the ICD (international classification of diseases) as a medical problem. it has to be pathologized and medicalized in order for it to be free. it doesn't have to be that way, but right now, it is that way, and it sucks. pathologization plays a huge role in making transness non-threatening to the social order.

oh, and if you're rich and able + willing to pay for transition? in CZ, you can get fucked. afaik, private, self-funded transition isn't really available or perhaps even legal. i might be wrong, and i do personally know one transmasc person who paid for their own top surgery and had it done at a private clinic, but they still faced a TON of unwillingness because the clinic was really worried about being sued. if you have the money (or were able to get it via donations), you will most likely need to go abroad, and if you're planning on returning to CZ after, you will almost certainly have difficulty getting legal recognition (shall you seek it).

whether legal recognition is desirable or necessary is a whole different discussion, of course. i don't want to get into it in this already ridiculously long post, but i wanted to at least acknowledge that legal recognition is by no means neutral and/or unproblematic.

if you managed to read all the way to the end, i salute you. you must be tired. go eat an apple or something.

*czechoslovakia stopped existing over 30 years ago but CZ and SK people still largely intermingle and many slovak people migrate to CZ. i am specifying this because annoyingly enough, many people on this US-centric site still do not know czechoslovakia is no longer a thing, so in case my addition gets some attention, i want this to be clear. please do not talk in the tags about how this is your first time hearing about this. i most likely will not see it since i am not OP but i have seen it happen a lot in posts about CZ and/or SK and it's really not funny or quirky that you didn't know. it's quite insulting, actually. if you want to share the fact that this is new info to you, share it instead with your friends who also may not know, so that they learn. thanks. (yes i'm bitter)

*the term patient implies a hierarchy & is pathologizing = is far from neutral; putting it in quotes to disrupt its seeming neutrality.

*trans enough = see transnormativity; link leads to an open-access academic article introducing this concept but you can definitely find simpler explanations online if you're not familiar with it.

What in the academic fuck is a GIC assesment

A GIC assessment (Gender Identity Clinic) assessment is the psychiatric interrogation you have to go through in Britain if you want permission to medically transition (and some aspects of legal transition too). Also called a Gender Dysphoria Assessment.

It involves answering a bunch of medically irrelevant, repetitive, deeply humiliating, repetitive questions like how you masturbate, what you wear when you masturbate, your sexual history, your childhood history, what toys you played with as a child, your employment, the clothes you like to wear, your relationship with your partners and family, etc. The classic is "Do you imagine yourself as a woman when you masturbate?" It also involves various psychiatric tests to check whether you're psychotic, which are deeply stigmatising. You will likely have to suffer this interrogation more than once if you want certain medical and legal doors to open. If you do not answer these questions "correctly" you may be refused transition.

If you want to get it for free, you'll need to wait several years, possibly decades depending on where you live, to be admitted to a Gender Identity Clinic.

If you want to go private, it will cost you about £500 a go, maybe more. (It's not technically a GIC Assessment unless it takes place at an NHS GIC; otherwise it's just sparkling humiliation.)

At the end of your interrogation you will - if you answered correctly - be diagnosed with "gender dysphoria." There is no way for them to check whether the answers you gave were truthful or whether you just told them what they want to hear. In Britain, about a third of trans people surveyed said they lied or withheld information during these assessments. There was no way for the 2015 American Psychiatric Association Working Group on gender dysphoria - the cis people who created the diagnosis* - to know that the interview data they based it on wasn't also full of people telling doctors what they wanted to hear! The unreliability of that data, some researchers have said, calls into serious question the use and sense of the diagnosis! * Fun fact: Ray Blanchard and Kenneth Zucker were both on that working group!

The NHS spends somewhere between 20 and 90 million pounds a year (depending on how you count it) on doing this.

Contrast that process to, say, the treatment pathway for menopause, where a cis woman who wants hormone replacement therapy can just get it from her family doctor 🙃

If you'd like to know more about this, I spoke about it here in more detail with citations

And wrote about it here

[capquinn]

can we get a blurb about quinn telling his parents he’s gonna be a dad, pretty pretty please???? i feel like he’d be nervous to tell them but also bursting at the seams wanting them to know. it’s probably hard for him being so far away for most of the year, that he wants them to be involved as much as they can, but he’d also want to respect his partner’s wishes if she wanted to wait to tell people until she was further along in case something happened

The decision about when to tell Quinn’s family about the baby over Thanksgiving weekend had been made weeks ago, but actually doing it was proving to be a whole different story.

For Quinn, the excitement of telling them had been almost overwhelming at first, a buzz of energy thrumming beneath his skin every time he thought about the moment. He could picture their reactions so clearly: Ellen’s face lighting up with joy and then tears, Jim’s steady pride breaking into a wide grin. He’d played it over in his mind again and again, letting the thought carry him through the quiet moments of doubt.

But now, as the reality of actually saying the words settled in, the nerves crept in too. It wasn’t that he doubted their reaction — they would be thrilled, he knew that. They adored him, a love larger than life itself, their pride woven into every word they spoke about him. A love so steadfast it felt unshakable. And over the years, that same love had effortlessly extended to you, not just welcoming you into their family but embracing you as if you’d always been a part of it.

However, the weight of the moment, of what it symbolised, suddenly felt heavier. This wasn’t just a fleeting piece of good news to share. It was life-changing, not just for him and you, but for them as well. They were about to become grandparents, stepping into a new chapter of their lives, and he couldn’t shake the pressure of wanting the moment to be perfect.

The confidence he’d carried on the flight home for the weekend was slipping, giving way to a swirl of emotions he couldn’t quite name. He’d been eager, almost impatient, to share the news, to feel the weight of it lifted and replaced with their joy, their pride, their unwavering support. He wanted them to share in the excitement, to feel connected to this life-changing moment despite the physical miles that often separate them. He needed them to know that their place in this new chapter, as grandparents, was as important to him as the one he was stepping into.

But now, standing on the brink of saying it aloud, a sudden wave of nerves hit him, sharp and unexpected. The enormity of it all — the love, the hope, the vulnerability wrapped in the words — made his throat tighten.

It wasn’t just an announcement. It was a shift, one that would ripple out and reshape everything. Parenthood, after all, was still something the two of you were learning to grasp.

The first evening back home unfolded in the warm glow of Ellen’s kitchen, the scent of roast chicken and fresh-baked bread filling the air. The house alive with warmth — the crackle of the fireplace, the low hum of laughter, and the familiar cadence of Jim’s voice as he spun a tale about the neighbour’s runaway tractor. He gestured animatedly, earning chuckles and interjections from Ellen, who corrected him at every exaggerated turn. It’s a familiar, comforting scene — the kind of moment Quinn usually soaks in without a second thought.

But tonight, his mind is a thousand miles away.

You can feel the tension humming beneath his relaxed posture, the subtle way his fingers tighten around yours every few minutes, like he’s trying to ground himself. His gaze keeps darting to his parents — catching the glint of Ellen’s wedding band as she leans forward in her chair, the crinkle of Jim’s eyes as he laughs at his own joke.

He wants to tell them. You can see it in the way his lips press together, his chest rising and falling with a slow, deliberate breath as though he’s rehearsing the words in his head.

We’re having a baby.

It’s right there, sitting on the tip of his tongue, waiting for the perfect moment. 

Quinn shifts in his seat, his free hand sliding up to rub the back of his neck as he leans forward slightly. You can feel the faint tremor in his grip as he laces his fingers tighter with yours, like he’s steadying himself for something big.

Jim’s voice carries on in the background, the rich cadence of his story weaving effortlessly with Ellen’s laughter, but Quinn’s focus isn’t there anymore. His gaze is fixed on the table, the firelight catching in his eyes as he takes a deep, deliberate breath.

You recognise the signs immediately. The way his shoulders draw back just slightly, the faint movement of his lips like he’s practicing the words in his head. It’s coming — you can feel it in the subtle shift of his energy, the way his knee bounces once under the table before he stills it with a hand.

He glances at you, and in the flicker of his gaze, you see everything — the love, the nerves, the overwhelming weight of what he wants to say. 

Your expression softens, and you give his hand a gentle squeeze, a quiet I’m here. You’ve got this.

Quinn swallows, his throat working against the knot of emotion rising there. 

“So, uh,” he starts, his voice low and hesitant, barely cutting through the warmth of the room.

Ellen turns toward him, her smile easy and expectant, and Jim sets his drink down, his brows lifting in quiet curiosity.

It’s right there. The words are sitting at the edge of his lips, just waiting to fall out. We’re having a baby.

But they don’t.

Quinn falters, his mouth opening slightly before he closes it again, his jaw tightening as he drops his gaze to his lap. His hand squeezes yours, and the quiet pressure feels like an apology.

Ellen’s eyes flit between the two of you, a flicker of concern crossing her face. 

“What is it, sweetheart?” she asks gently, her voice laced with the kind of maternal intuition that always catches him off guard.

He looks up at her, his lips curving into a faint, practiced smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Nothing,” he says softly, shaking his head. “Just... it’s good to be home. That’s all.”

You watch as Ellen’s concern melts into warmth, her smile returning as she reaches over to squeeze his arm affectionately. 

“Well, we’re glad you’re here, too,” she says simply, her love for him evident in every word.

Quinn nods, his gaze falling back to his lap, and you can see the frustration flickering just beneath the surface. He’s upset with himself — not because he doesn’t want to tell them, but because he does. Desperately. He just… can’t.

You lean into him slightly, your shoulder brushing his, and when he looks at you, you offer the smallest smile. He exhales slowly, his grip on your hand relaxing just a bit, and when Jim launches into another story, the tension eases from Quinn’s shoulders — if only for a moment.

The second opportunity comes the next morning, when the day feels impossibly slow and golden, like it’s giving Quinn every chance in the world to speak up. The two of you lie in bed longer than usual, the soft morning light filtering through the curtains as you talk quietly, voices still hushed with sleep.

“We can’t leave without telling them,” Quinn says suddenly, his voice quiet but resolute, like the realisation is finally settling in. His gaze is fixed somewhere on the ceiling, his brow furrowed in thought, the weight of his words pulling his shoulders just a little tighter. “I just… I want to do it right, you know?”

“I get it,” you reply, turning your head to look at him. His profile is soft in the morning light, his jaw flexing slightly as he wrestles with the thought. “You want it to feel special.”

“Yeah,” he murmurs, his lips twitching into a faint, almost sheepish smile. “Exactly. And every time I think about actually saying it, I freeze. Like, what if I screw it up and it’s not as perfect as I want it to be?”

You can’t help the way your heart squeezes a little at the vulnerability in his voice, the honesty of it catching you off guard in the best way. Sliding a little closer, you prop yourself up on one elbow, your hand brushing lightly against his arm. The movement pulls his attention, and for a moment, his eyes flicker to yours before settling back on the ceiling.

“Quinn,” you say softly, your voice laced with affection, “they’re going to love it. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be you.”

He doesn’t respond right away, the words settling over him like a quiet balm. His jaw flexes again as he chews on your reassurance, his hand absently dropping to your abdomen. It’s such a natural gesture, like he doesn’t even realise he’s done it, his palm curving gently over the barely-there swell. 

The corners of his lips twitch, like he’s debating whether to believe you. Then he lets out a soft laugh, low and self-deprecating, his free hand coming up to rake through his already-messy hair.

“You make it sound so easy.”

“Because it is easy,” you insist, squeezing his arm lightly, your gaze steady on him. “It’s you, Quinn. They’re going to be over the moon no matter how or when you tell them.”

His eyes flick to yours then, something unspoken passing between you — a quiet thank you, maybe, or just an acknowledgment that he’s holding onto your words a little tighter than he lets on. His thumb brushes a slow, thoughtful circle against your skin, and you can feel the tension in his shoulders ease, if only just a little.

“Don’t worry, you’ll tell them today,” you murmur. There’s a quiet encouragement in your voice, a steady belief that seems to seep right into him. Your fingers trace lazy circles over the back of his hand where it rests on your belly.

Quinn nods, his lips twitching into a small, tentative smile. It’s not the full-blown confidence he probably wishes he had, but it’s something — a flicker of determination breaking through the haze of nerves.

“Yeah,” he says softly, the single word carrying more resolve than hesitation. “I will.”

He sounds ready. You believe him. So does he.

And so the morning unfolds beautifully. Ellen, with her usual warmth and efficiency, packs coffee and snacks into a little canvas bag, insisting with a bright smile that everyone take advantage of the clear weather to walk the trails. There’s a lightness to her tone, a sense of simple joy that seems to catch on everyone as they prepare to head out.

Out in the forest, the world feels peaceful, quiet but alive. The rustle of leaves underfoot mingles with the occasional chirp of a bird or the soft swish of wind through the trees. The trail is dappled with sunlight, patches of golden light breaking through the canopy above. Quinn walks beside you, his shoulder bumping yours every now and then as the two of you amble along.

He’s quiet at first, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket, but there’s a softness to him that doesn’t feel like nervousness — it feels like he’s soaking it all in. The crisp air, the sound of his parents chatting a few paces ahead, the steady rhythm of your steps beside him.

“You good?” you ask softly, nudging him with your elbow. Your breath fogs slightly in the cool air, and he glances over at you, his lips quirking into a small smile.

“Yeah,” he says, his voice low but steady. And for a while, it feels like he means it.

At the overlook at the end of the trail that feels perfect, too. The sunlight glints off the trees, the breeze is cool and gentle, and his parents are close, their laughter light as Ellen unpacks the thermos of coffee. You can feel the moment hanging there, just waiting for Quinn to take it.

He squeezes your hand gently, his thumb brushing slow circles over your knuckles. You glance up at him, catching the way his jaw tightens just slightly, his lips pressing together like he’s rehearsing the words in his head.

“Now’s a good time,” you say softly, tilting your head toward him. Your voice is quiet, meant just for him, but there’s an encouragement in it that you hope will nudge him past whatever’s holding him back.

Quinn nods, his shoulders straightening a little as he draws in a breath. 

His gaze flicks over to his parents, who are standing a few feet away, cups of steaming coffee in their hands as they admire the view. They’re relaxed, happy. Completely unsuspecting.

For a moment, it feels like he’s going to do it. He takes a step forward, clearing his throat softly, and both Ellen and Jim glance over at him. 

“What is it, Quinn?” Ellen asks, her voice warm, a smile playing on her lips.

You watch as Quinn’s hand flexes at his side, his fingers twitching like he’s trying to grab hold of the words before they slip away. 

“I—” he starts, but then his gaze falters, dropping to the ground for a fraction of a second. He hesitates, just long enough for the nerves to creep in.

Jim’s brow lifts slightly, his smile curious. “Everything okay?”

Quinn freezes, his jaw working as if he’s wrestling with the weight of the moment. You see the exact second he decides against it — the subtle shift in his stance, the way his eyes dart back to the view like he’s searching for an escape.

“Yeah,” he says finally, his voice low but steady. “Yeah, everything’s good.”

There’s a beat of quiet, and then Ellen laughs lightly, her attention shifting back to her cup. 

“Good,” she says, clearly not noticing the undercurrent of tension. “Come have some coffee before it gets cold.”

Jim watches Quinn for a second longer, his gaze thoughtful, but he doesn’t press. He just claps a hand on Quinn’s shoulder as he passes, squeezing lightly. 

Quinn exhales slowly, his shoulders sagging just slightly as he turns back to you. His lips twitch into a faint, sheepish smile, and he shrugs like he’s trying to laugh it off. But you know him too well to buy it.

You don’t say anything, just lean into his side a little, the warmth of him grounding in a way words wouldn’t be.

“Just… not yet,” he murmurs, his voice low, almost like he’s saying it to himself more than to you.

You nod, giving his hand another squeeze, a quiet reassurance passing between you. 

“It’s okay,” you murmur, your voice just as soft. “You’ll know when the time’s right.”

He breathes out slowly, his gaze flickering back to the view for a moment before settling on his parents again. And even though the moment passes, and the group begins to move again, their laughter breaking through the quiet hum of the forest, you can feel it. The way his hand tightens slightly around yours. The way his shoulders stay just a little too tense as you walk.

He’s still building up to it, you know that. But he’s getting closer.

Back at the house, the moment arises again, this time while everyone is lounging in the living room after lunch. Quinn sits beside you on the couch, one hand cradling his coffee mug, the other resting on your thigh. His parents are across from you, their chairs pulled close to the fire, and the warmth of the room feels almost tangible, a gentle weight of familiarity and love.

He’s relaxed now, leaning back into the cushions, his gaze sweeping over the room like he’s soaking it all in. His hand tightens slightly on your leg, and you glance at him, catching the way his eyes flicker with something you recognise — nerves, anticipation, resolve.

Ellen catches his eye and smiles, tilting her head slightly. “What’s on your mind, Quinn? You’ve been out of sorts today.”

Your heart skips, and you sit up just slightly, willing him forward with the quiet encouragement in your expression. 

This is it. He’s going to say it. You can feel it.

He clears his throat, straightening a little. “Just... uh,” he starts, his voice steady but hesitant. He glances at you, then back at his mom, and his lips twitch into a small, uncertain smile. “Just thinking how I’m gonna miss this when we leave,” he finishes, his tone light but not entirely convincing.

Your shoulders relax, a mix of understanding and disappointment flooding you as you press your knee gently against his. Quinn glances at you, his jaw tightening as he picks up on your unspoken it’s okay. Next time.

Ellen smiles warmly, tilting her head in that soft, motherly way. “It’s not long until Christmas,” she reminds him, though her voice carries a faint wistfulness, like she’s reminding herself too.

Quinn nods. “Yeah,” he says softly. “Not long.”

The following morning unfolds in the quiet, unhurried way that comes after a weekend of family time, everyone savouring these last hours together. The kitchen is warm and familiar, filled with the smell of coffee and the soft sounds of Ellen moving around, flipping pancakes on the griddle. Jim leans against the counter by the sink, drying dishes, while you’re perched on a stool at the island, hands wrapped around a steaming mug of tea. Quinn stands a little apart, leaned back against the counter with a piece of toast in hand, his damp hair sticking up in every direction, evidence of a quick shower.

The conversation drifts easily — something about Jim’s plans for the yard that afternoon, Ellen’s pancake technique, a joke about Luke’s questionable cooking skills. But Quinn is quiet, and not in the usual, thoughtful way. His eyes flick between his parents, to you, and back again, a pattern he’s been repeating all weekend. You know he’s been carrying the weight of the news, the excitement and nerves tangling together, keeping him from saying it despite countless opportunities.

And then, just like that, it happens.

“We have something to tell you,” he says, his voice steady but quiet enough that it cuts through the easy flow of conversation. 

The kitchen stills, all eyes turning toward him. Ellen pauses mid-flip, the spatula poised over the griddle, while Jim straightens from his spot near the sink, his brow furrowing slightly.

“What is it?” Ellen asks, her voice soft but expectant, her gaze darting between you both.

Quinn shifts slightly, his toast forgotten on the counter behind him. His hand brushes over the back of his neck, and for a moment, you wonder if he’s going to back out again, if the nerves will win one last time. 

But then he glances at you, his expression searching, and you nod gently, giving him the encouragement he’s been looking for.

“We’re having a baby,” he says, the words tumbling out in a rush but steady, sure. His voice catches just slightly at the end, but his eyes stay locked on his parents, watching as the meaning sinks in.

For a moment, the room is silent. Ellen stares at him, her eyes wide and unblinking, her hand coming up to her mouth. Jim’s towel stills mid-fold in his hands, his gaze flicking to you as if for confirmation. And then Ellen gasps — a sound so full of joy and disbelief it feels like it fills the entire room.

“Oh my God,” Ellen whispers, her voice trembling as her hand covers her mouth. Her eyes dart between Quinn and you, wide and shimmering with emotion. “A baby? You’re having a baby?” She looks at you then, as if she needs your confirmation to believe it’s true.

Quinn nods, and the soft, tentative smile that had been tugging at his lips finally breaks free. It spreads wide, unstoppable, lighting up his entire face. 

“Yeah,” he says, his voice low and steady but filled with something raw and achingly real. “We’re having a baby.”

His words hang in the air, and for a moment, the world feels suspended, as if the house itself is holding its breath. Then Ellen moves, her emotions bursting forth as she crosses the kitchen in a blur, her arms outstretched. She pulls Quinn into a fierce hug, her laugh bubbling up through a flood of tears.

“Oh, Quinn,” she says, her voice breaking with joy. “A baby. My baby’s having a baby.” Her hands cradle his face for a moment before she hugs him again, tighter this time, as if she can pour every ounce of love she feels into him.

He laughs softly, wrapping his arms around her as his chin rests against the top of her head. “Thanks, Mom,” he murmurs, his voice thick with emotion.

When Ellen pulls back, her focus shifts immediately to you. 

“Oh, sweetheart,” she says, rounding the island with tears streaming down her face. “A baby. Oh, I’m so happy for you.” She pulls you into a tight hug, her warmth and joy washing over you in waves. “You’re going to be incredible parents. Both of you.”

Jim moves forward more slowly, his hand landing firmly on Quinn’s shoulder as a wide smile spreads across his face. 

“This is incredible news, son,” he says, his voice steady but with an unmistakable quiver of emotion. “Congratulations. To both of you.”

Quinn exhales then, properly exhales, like the weight of all his nerves and hesitations has finally lifted. 

For the rest of the morning, the kitchen hums with joy. Ellen flits between the stove and you, her emotions spilling over every time she catches Quinn’s eye. She can’t seem to stop smiling, crying, or imagining the tiny new addition to the family. 

“How have you been feeling?” she asks, her eyes searching yours with a mother’s concern. “If you need anything, you’ll let me know, right?”

Her hand briefly brushes over your arm, the gesture warm and reassuring, and you nod, assuring her that you’ve been well, that Quinn has been attentive, that everything is as it should be. It’s impossible not to smile at the way her joy bubbles over, filling every corner of the kitchen like sunlight.

Quinn, for his part, has shed every trace of hesitation. He talks easily now, the nerves replaced by an earnest kind of excitement. He shares the small details — the due date, how you found out, how ready the two of you feel — and every word seems to deepen the pride in Jim’s expression. He stands quietly nearby, his presence grounding and constant, his smile unwavering.

When it’s finally time to leave, the hugs linger. Ellen pulls Quinn close, whispering something through her tears before letting him go to hold you just as tightly. Jim’s hand finds Quinn’s shoulder again, squeezing it once in a way that says everything without words. There’s an unspoken promise in their goodbyes, a warmth that stays even as the front door closes behind you.

Quinn doesn’t say much as he helps you into the car, his hand brushing over your back as he opens the door. But as he settles into the driver’s seat, he glances back at the house one last time, his expression soft, a little dazed. When he turns to you, his smile is quiet, content, the kind that makes your heart ache in the best way. 

As you drive away, the crisp Michigan air shifting through the windows, his hand finds yours. His thumb brushes over your knuckles in that familiar, absent minded way, and you realise that for the first time all weekend, there’s nothing holding him back. The weight is gone, replaced by something steadier — joy, contentment, and the simple knowledge that everything is exactly as it should be.

[ramblings-of-a-chaotic-neutral]

This au was created with the combined forces of the amazing and awesomely talented group of @griffonskies, @hufflehobbitmakes, @lorienrobins, and myself (and they're all super cool people and you should all check out their blogs!) in an absolutely hilarious conversation, so I had to flesh this idea out. Enjoy!

This is a post-canon AU, where Merlin is still living by the Lake of Avalon in modern times, awaiting Arthur's return. While the world has changed immensely in the time since Arthur's reign, there were a few things that have stayed the same. And one of the things that had stayed constant throughout the last 1500 years were the druids and their worship of Emrys.

As Merlin's powers grew following Camlann, he found that he could hear the prayers that the druids directed at him, and he could answer them to the best of his ability with his magic while staying at the shores of Avalon. Besides, the druids knew better than to seek him out in person unless there was an absolute emergency.

Now, fast forwards to the 21st century, and there's modern druids worshipping Merlin as Emrys, and they pray to him and leave offerings, and he still sometimes answers their prayers. While the most popular offerings to Emrys are physical offerings, such as wooden carvings and food, their songs and dances praising him work as offerings as well.

However, one day, some Gen Z druids get an idea. Their religion isn't very well known, how about they spread more awareness of it online? And what better way to reach a wide audience than to share one of their dances praising Emrys on TikTok!

And of course, their dances for Emrys blows up online and go viral. The consequences of this, besides the rising interest in their religion, is that Merlin has accidentally gained millions of new worshippers, who have performed the dance without really knowing what it means.

Suddenly, with millions of people performing dances in honor of him online, Merlin is more powerful than ever before, much to his own confusion, since he's just chilling in a cabin next to the lake and doesn't really spend much time online.

However, one day, Arthur's reincarnation does the new dance trend at reincarnated Morgana's insistence. Merlin immediately senses his king performing one of the dances made to worship Emrys and teleports to Arthur's location, scaring the shit out of him. Now Arthur's stuck with a maybe-a-god-but-honesty-kinda-hot guy in his flat who keeps calling him "sire" and telling him to go to some lake so he can pick up a sword. It's a very confusing day for poor Arthur!

Bonus: some quotes from Gen Z druids in this au explaining their religion online: "Yeah, we can talk directly to our god, but he doesn't always respond because he's kinda busy being sad next to a magical lake."

"No, we swear he isn't a cult leader looking for a tax break!"

"If you catch him in a good mood he might do a pub crawl with you! That happened to my cousin once!"

"Yeah, I heard he turned water into beer on that pub crawl! Wild night."

[mohammedsaqrr]

Help my family survive the continuing war in gaza

Hello, my name is Mohammed Saqr, from North Gaza.

we want dreams and love for life like any young person in the world. I joined Al-Quds Open University to fulfill my dream of studying like any young person in the world, but it seems that I will not be able to achieve my dream because of the brutal war on the Gaza Strip, which destroyed our entire house, and I lost everything I owned and relied on to achieve my dream, including my laptop, university books and library.

We are a family of 12, displaced from our home in North Gaza to the southern areas under inhumane conditions.

This is my daughter, who grew up in the middle of the war, no kid should go through this kind of childhood and trauma. its unfair and we can’t do anything about it to give our kids the lovely childhood that they deserve.

I am appealing to you, the global community, for help. I have started a GoFundMe campaign with the aim of raising 30,000 Euros to enable me and my family to find safety in Egypt. The evacuation fees change from time to time; we currently expect a cost of between 4,000-5,000 dollars per person. Any additional funds generated will go towards supporting my immediate needs and those of my family. There are various obstacles that we will face on the other side, and I hope that we can make some things easier for us.

I would like to update you on the situation now that the war has intensified. We are fine and safe, but life has become very difficult now all around us, people are suffering more and losing loved ones every day. As a family, we have literally lost everything we own, our homes and businesses, but we are trying to remain optimistic by thinking about evacuating and we heard good news today that the borders may open soon. We pray that this is true.

Once we are evacuated, we will try hard to rebuild a small part of what we lost in Gaza. If we can achieve our ultimate goal, we will have the funds to start a business to support our entire family. We want to be able to start over and not suffer anymore in Egypt. If everyone can help us with a small donation to achieve our ultimate goal, we will be able to rebuild our lives after everything was destroyed.

All the positive words cannot express how generous you are especially in sharing my posts to inform other donors about the people of Gaza who are still suffering from the terrible conditions caused by the unjust war on Gaza. Please continue to support the most just cause in the world either by donating directly or by sharing the link to other media. Do not hesitate to help people in difficult and miserable times until the dark days are over.

[seospicybin]

SEOSPICY TIMETABLE.

DEC 6

TOO CROWDED. (A new chapter of The Crowd series) Lee Know x reader. (s,f)

Synopsis: Years of marriage haven’t fully prepared Minho for the arrival of a new family member or the changes that come with his growing family. As he navigates these new challenges, he realizes that love and family are constantly evolving in ways he never expected.

DEC 13

I PUT A SPELL ON YOU TOO. (The second part of I Put A Spell On You) Hyunjin x reader. (s,a)

Synopsis: Having a common enemy, you and Hyunjin work together to secure your futures. With your witchcraft, the plan sets in motion, the boundaries between right and wrong blur, and secrets begin to unravel, leaving you and Hyunjin bound by more than just circumstance.

DEC 20

THE FUCKBOY NEXT DOOR: Final Part. Bangchan x reader. (s,f)

Synopsis: When a new fuckboy, Minho, moves into the building, Chan’s sense of security is shaken. Minho’s flirtatious confidence and bold claim to win you over rattles Chan, igniting a rivalry. As Chan struggles to defend his relationship, he’s forced to confront his insecurities while proving his worth to you.

DEC 27

THE BABYSITTER: Final Part. Hyunjin x reader x Felix. (s,f,a)

Synopsis: You find a home away from home while caring for Aster, the lively son of Felix and Hyunjin and what begins as a temporary job blossoms into an unforgettable bond with a family that changes your life. But after graduation comes a difficult choice: pursue your dreams or stay with the people who’ve come to mean the world to you.

DEC 30

SEOSPICY WRAPPED '24

Recap and statistics of Seospicy fics in the year of 2024.

DEC 31

NEPTUNE. Hyunjin x reader. (s,a)

Synopsis: In a distant future where an app can predict your death, a retired dancer and an ambitious swimmer cross path by chance. With their final day looming, they choose to share it together, finding unexpected connection in the fleeting hours they have left.

[ominium]

farewell

character : gojo s. (i only say his name once, so if you wanna insert anyone else...won't blame ya) context : your husband forgets who you were (amnesia) and hangs out with his high school fling more than you :( pov : first person (reader) content : angst no comfort (letter no response) note(s) : yeah idk, had this thought at 5:00 am and, after a few days, decided to finally write it out

also gojo likes his eggs scrambled here with reader. yea idk if u think he'd prefer runny yolk then oops

—

In another universe, we would have grown old together.

As promised, we would have woken up in each other's arms, go on morning walks, share a sandwich, watch the birds fly by...

As promised, we would have grown a flower bed out in the countryside, have chats with our elderly neighbors every now and then, watch the sunset together...

When we first got back to our home after the accident, I had hope. I know it was hard for you to live with me, as you saw me as nothing more than a stranger, but I believed you could remember me. I had strength that our love would prevail, as cheesy as it sounds...I believed that you could remember me.

Every little aspect of our little life was still there. The way I still had to try extra hard to wake you up in the mornings, how you still enjoyed noodles that were a little overcooked and soaked with the broth, and even the way you sat on "your spot" of the couch. Everything was so endearing, and I wanted to believe that you hadn't changed.

The way you still greeted your old friends was all the same. Sure, you missed out on some memories, but for the most part, they didn't have to endure the pain of being asked, "who are you?"

It was nice to see some of your memories come back, too. When you had that nagging feeling that you just had to go to the local park, even though it was raining...all because it felt right. And it did. We used to take a walk on weekends to wind down and relax. Our hands intertwined, and just simply people watching. It re-lit what little faith I had left, and had me craving for more...more of you remembering our memories.

How you started going out every other evening to get some drinks. It seemed so...painfully absent in the home, but at least you were putting in the effort to remember.

So how...how is it that you seem to start remembering everything but me? How can you remember the way I liked my eggs scrambled, but not me? How could you remember how I liked the way I folded my clothes, but not me? How was my spot replaced with her?

Was it not strange that she would make you sunny-side up eggs, even though you said you didn't like the yolk runny? How she didn't walk the path you wanted to walk in the park? You brought her a beautiful bouquet wrapped in purple, yet the colors she surrounds herself with are yellow.

Why is it that I hear from Shoko that you were with her again? Why do I get messages from Megumi that you had to buy two bouquets, because you accidentally bought purple flowers again? Why is it that it seems you never come home to me? Why did I have to see your wedding ring on the bathroom floor. Forgotten.

Why do I wake up to an empty home, and go to bed alone now....

...You know, yesterday was our anniversary. I had bought a cake and even asked Yuuji to help me decorate the living room for us. It was...pretty awkward, to say the least, when he calls me and says you're at the bar with "that girl again."

To be honest, Satoru, I don't blame you. How could I? You experienced trauma, you have amnesia...you still see me as a stranger that just happens to live in the same home as you, and just happens to have a bunch of pictures with you, and even a wedding photo plastered in the bedroom wall. Right.

But it would've been nice if you had just...tried. Tried to come home to me. Try to spend time with me. Given me the bouquets because I love purple.

Tried to be the husband you promised you would be to me.

So here. I'm sure you've already seen them, but the divorce papers are under the letter. I've signed everything, and again I'm sure you've seen, but I grabbed all my essentials and left. You don't have to see me again. I placed our rings in the box they came in...thank goodness I saved it, despite you wanting me not to. You can do what you will with them...you did buy them anyways.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I couldn't give more time to you. I'm sorry if I didn't try hard enough. But, I'm sure you'd understand...you've got holes in your memories that everyone wants to fill.

and I've got whole memories that I can't share anymore.

[hwnglx]

dating bts - pro's and con's

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

jin

pro's

quite considerate and mindful with his actions, especially in the beginning stages of the relationship while you're still getting to know each other

the type to figure your own boundaries out as much as he can before taking action, to make sure he doesn't cross any of your lines or doesn't step on your toes

very enthusiastic and passionate about the ways in which he can serve you -> e.g. there's a gift you really want, he'll get very excited about buying it for you, or you want to go this course but are too shy to go there alone, he'll love to go there and accompany you

will looove to impress you and get a strong and happy reaction out of you like he literally lives to get you all joyous over something he did

also loves the thought of exploring and sharing new and interesting experiences together with his lovers, like going on fun and exciting trips

respects and understands your need for individuality and isn't the type to force his opinions or beliefs onto you

like he doesn't see the relationship as you two merging but moreso two different and unique people coming together enriching each other's lives

open to compromise for the sake of harmony and peace in the relationship -> will want to hear you out and find a middle ground during potential times of conflict

also loves to learn from his lovers, whether that's through the difference in their opinions, views, beliefs or even their unique hobbies

con's

this man despises arguing

he feels like his worst side comes out once he gets too overwhelmed by his negative emotions so he actively prefers avoiding confrontation and conflict

can act and talk out of emotion and impulsively once you rub him the wrong way and potentially say things he doesn't really mean

can feel offended, take things personally and get defensive pretty quickly

feels hurt very quickly, not only does he have a sensitive heart but especially in his pride, which as a result can get him in a very vengeful and resentful state

will impulsively want to hurt you back as a defence mechanism

can be kinda wishy-washy in his opinions, say one thing but end up changing his opinion soon after and contradict himself

honestly just.. try not to fight with him lmao, he just gets so lost and confused and overwhelmed (i almost feel bad for him idk?) but can tend to instinctively disguise a lot of that behind a rude attitude

might get passive-aggressive and let out snarky comments sometimes, even if the conflict already appears to be solved

he just holds on to grudges for longer than he appears to

yoongi

pro's

very mentally stimulating lover who puts importance in intellectual compatibility and bonds in that way -> you're likely to have the most interesting conversations together

also a lot of playful bickering

i just feel like dating him would make you look back at yourself a lot and have you thinking about things you didn't even consider before

empowers, inspires and encourages his lovers in quite a profound and impactful way

isn't afraid of challenges, struggles, arguments or fights, moreso sees it as a necessity to reach a better and deeper understanding of each other

like he's just not the type to go into a corner and curl up in a ball to cry over your criticism or potentially offensive words -> quite strong and able to take a blow

he genuinely wants to comprehend and understand your unique point of view

doesn't get overly attached and obsessed over his partners -> very independent lover who will give you your space and freedom to embrace yourself in your individuality

also keeps your connection quite intimate and private between the two of you -> e.g. he wouldn't go on chatting about your relationship with all his friends

you can tell him all your deepest, darkest secrets and he wouldn't mutter a word to anyone

con's

doesn't like the weight and responsibility that can come with serious and close relationships, so he'll likely prefer keeping things lighter

especially emotionally, he doesn't want to and also doesn't understand the need to bear the burden of other people's problems therefore prefers detaching himself from them, even if you're his significant other

like if you want an obsessed and extremely dedicated lover who spends his entire day just thinking about you and taking care of you, yoongi won't be the one for you

will want you to have your own independence and be able to look after yourself

honestly if you have the tendency to turn into a needy and whiny baby in relationships, he will feel immensely turned off like he just won't play babysitter

isn't afraid to just suddenly put an end to the relationship if he feels like you're not the one for him

you won't catch him sticking around to try to make things work if he doesn't feel like it's worth it in the first place

he can just get a little “meh whatever guess you're not the one”

like he can be quite cold and direct in his expressions and doesn't bother to sugarcoat or make his words more digestible for anyone

hobi

pro's

quite patient and understanding -> wouldn't rush or push you to do anything you're uncomfortable with, allows the connection to blossom slowly

not the type to date for a one-time thing and moreso interested in putting effort into developing a slowly but steadily growing relationship

would foster this nice balance between a deep and emotionally intimate connection, while also being your best friend you can have fun with at the same time

very in tune with your feelings and emotional needs and good at naturally adjusting his behaviour or demeanour according to that

he'd be your loudest most excited hype-man when you have something to celebrate, or a quiet and soothing source of comfort in times of struggles

can be a very dreamy, romantic and appreciative lover who easily sees beauty in everything you two do, even the small things

even the trivial and simple dates like going on a short walk together would be one of the most beautiful and special days in his eyes

would take charge of the relationship and feel a lot of responsibility to make sure you feel loved, admired and cared for at all times

like there's just no way you're dating hobi and feeling insecure or bad about yourself, he will make sure you always remember how special you are

con's

very very, almost overly generous, naturally puts the entirety of the relationship on his own back but can therefore quickly feel inadequate

so immensely sensitive to your emotions or reactions within the relationship that he can easily misunderstand or misread your signals and as a result feel insecure

can feel dispirited if the initial honeymoon spark in the relationship diminishes

he's kinda back and forth between being very sweet and sensitive, almost childlike in a way, but also being extremely stubborn and strict

might put an end to the relationship if he feels like it stands in the way of his career

like even if he cultivated an emotional connection to you, he'd be willing to let go of it, if he feels like you don't respect his individual objectives and values in life

also not the best boyfriend to break up with

don't expect him to remain friends with you after you go your separate ways, it's likely he'll hold a lot of resentment and unexpressed frustration within him

a lot of that he didn't express within your relationship because he was being considerate, but it might come out later on once he detaches himself from you emotionally

namjoon

pro's

very charming and incredibly romantic, especially when it comes to the dates and gifts

i keep seeing this scene of travis scott's gifts to kylie jenner in my mind's eye

will be hugely generous and giving if he feels like you deserve it and know how to appreciate it

willing to invest a lot of himself into the connection once he feels like it's worth it

like even amidst his fully packed and busy schedules, joon is the type to somehow find time during the day to dedicate it to the special person in his life only

knows what it takes to foster a relationship based on a strong and stable ground

will make you feel as secure as ever, like you do not have to worry about him having eyes for anyone else and have no second thoughts about trusting him to remain fully committed to you

like this man just won't cheat, he'd betray himself and his own morals first and foremost if he did

amazing at creating an intimate atmosphere where it feels like it's just the two of you -> values alone-time a lot and thinks it's a vital part of the connection

scorpio venus' and their ability to just zone in on you and forget about everyone else is insane, also incredible listeners who will make you feel like no one else's voice on this world matters as much as yours

con's

this man has standards like you'd never believe

like he just won't be bothered to do all that if he doesn't think you're the perfect partner for him, and it definitely takes a sublime person to achieve that

is immensely clear, thorough and exact on what he wants and expects from his lover in a romantic relationship and won't be changing his stance for anyone -> if he feels like you're not fulfilling your own role within the connection, don't expect him to wait or stick around for long

expects a sense of levelheadedness, emotional maturity and straightforwardness from his partners, similarly to yoongi this man will absolutely not bother to deal with partners who have their head high up in the clouds and require sugarcoating or babying

tbh, joon at his worst to me is giving someone who's very judgemental and “my way” like his opinion is the only right one and you can not tell him otherwise

can have patterns of controlling and rigorous behaviour

can be quite hesitant and unsure about completely committing to people at first because he can often deal with trust issues

taehyung

pro's

will be your most interesting and intriguing conversation partner, like he'll just love talking to you for hours about every topic in the world ranging from silly, random and fun subjects to heartfelt, deep and intimate topics

values upright and honest communication -> quite straightfoward and truthful, isn't the type to say one thing to your face and do another behind your back

keeps his promises and stands behind his words

takes relationships seriously and dates people with clear intention behind it -> not the type to just be dating someone for fun and games

wants to keep his relationships intimate and between the two of you only

puts a lot of thought into your connection

you'll always feel taken care of, smothered and spoiled without fail, whether that's in the form of expensive gifts or emotionally, not only whenever you're in his presence but even when you two are apart

like he's so attentive, you'll be on his mind constantly, a lot of worry and concern over your wellbeing

he'd constantly check up on you to make sure you're okay

many sweet and heartwarming “good morning” and “good night” texts

would gift you the most meaningful and special things that are unique to you only

definitely the type to love the concept of e.g. couple rings

i just saw this beautiful rose-gold ring in my mind's eye that has his name carved on the inside (very cute i won't lie.. ╥﹏╥)

con's

a lot of inner restlessness which he can subconsciously project onto his lovers

this man's mind does not give him a break, there's a lot of anxiety and worry about his romantic relationships in him which can result in him overcompensating

i don't see him as necessarily possessive, but moreso overly invested and very concerned about taking responsibility over the relationship

so basically whatever course the connection takes is a reflection of his own doing in his eyes, he can get incredibly self-conscious and insecure once he feels like things aren't going the way he planned

might use his partner as someone he can let out his stress with -> let's say he had a bad day at work, it's likely his lover will have to deal with all his pent up negativity

once taehyung gets caught up in the intensity of his emotions, he can get surprisingly immature

like if you two ever get into a fight, it can easily feel like you're arguing with a child

a lot of pulling out the victim card and refusing to see your side of the story

he can get very very stubborn, you will not change his mind even if your life depended on it and best believe he will stand by his initial point till the very end

jimin

pro's

very understanding and accepting lover

especially towards beliefs and views that are different to his own, not the type to judge anyone ranging out of the conservative and more traditional mindset

up to more unconventional relationships, e.g. okay with not necessarily striving for marriage or just in general, the traditional type of role-distribution within a romantic connection

interested in hearing you out and understanding your perspective -> good at putting himself into your shoes and comprehending your point of view

truly empathetic and very compassionate

this man will also be the light of your life, like he has the natural ability to just brighten up your world and make the most boring situations very interesting

has this very positive, inspiring and uplifting effect on the people he loves

like even the most trivial date will feel very special for you and linger in your mind, just because he's so good at making every situation memorable

the type of person to make you see the cup half full rather than half empty

and make you believe you're special for the things you might dislike or reject about yourself

i just see his significant others being incredibly drawn to his presence and his love being lowkey addicting because you just feel so good in his presence

con's

can be hesistant to take the next step in a romantic relationship -> rarely allows things to get to a deeper level

most of the time he's just undecided and unsure of what exactly his soul truly wants and needs, not just from his lovers but from life in general

can get very scatterbrained and imprecise in his stance

there's some fear of bearing his soul to people and letting himself be vulnerable because he can easily feel lacking

doesn't want you to see him at a state that he himself perceives as unlovable and inadequate

likely to often be so overly accommodating to your needs that sometimes you wonder if he even has his own desires, like “everything you wanna do, i'm fine with”

at the same time, he can be pretty manipulative and sly by disguising much of his more selfish and greedy sides behind a peace-loving and charitable mask

like, jimin is the type of person to stick a needle in your back while hugging you with a smile on his face

amazing at using his charm to talk himself out of trouble and avoid taking accountability

moreso prone to cleverly twist the narrative so that he ends up looking like the good guy in the scenario -> e.g saying he was just trying not to stir up drama or cause conflict and was being considerate of you

both of these sides are him, he is a sweetheart in many ways but also excellent at only showing his best and hiding his worst from a lot of people

spirit is showing me this image of an iceberg where only the tip is visible to everyone, while the rest is very much deep inside the sea, not accessible to most and covered

jungkook

pro's

true romantic at heart; loves and breathes everything in terms of romance and will be incredibly passionate, charming, loving and seductive, whether that's by the way he looks at you or the things he says

immensely smooth talker -> amazing at flattering, making you believe you're the most beautiful and special human being he's ever met

especially in the beginning stages, you'll feel like you're floating on cloud nine with the way he makes you feel

a lot of 🥰 type of butterflies and excitement

very touchy like he's definitely into physical affection, and just loves everything that involves the sensation of touch -> e.g. holding your hand tightly in his grip, protectively keeping his hand on your waist while you're walking, etc.

willing to relentlessly fight for the person he loves, if he finds interest in someone he is not the type to back down from a challenge or obstacles

the type of boyfriend to immediately place himself in front of you if anyone ever started a debate or argument with you and shield you from any sort of attack

i thought of the song and the mv of next to you by chris brown & justin bieber “one day when the sky is falling, i'll be standing right next to you” (no pun intended, damn..)

also grenade by bruno mars, especially the chorus “i'd catch a grenade for you, throw my hand on a blade for you, i'd jump in front of a train for you, you know i'd do anything for you, i would go through all this pain”

wants to display a source of strength and security for his lovers -> will make you feel incredibly comfortable and like you're in safe hands whenever you're with him

con's

has jealousy issues and can get petty, so much so that he'd openly talk about other women in front of you just to revenge himself and pay you back

in that moment he just loses himself in his possessiveness and desperately wants to feel like he's the one in control who has power over you

holds grudges like there's no tomorrow and has problems letting go of regrets or things that disappointed him

which can happen quite easily, like this man can feel dissatisfied very quickly and will naturally feel like it's all his fault for not being good enough for you

once he feels like the relationship isn't going well anymore, he's likely to get very lethargic and pessimistic

can tend to project his own insecurities onto his lovers because he internalizes and struggles dealing with them

might portray you as the bad guy and put the blame on you even if he's the one who messed up, just because he's scared of openly confronting his own wrongdoings

it's giving “deep down i know that i'm mainly the one who messed up our relationship, but i can't handle the pain that comes with that, so i'll just delude myself and you into believing you did me wrong as well..”

basically, jk has a heart that is selfless at its core, hidden behind an at times offensive, selfish and controlling shell, mostly because he can get scared to get wounded even further than the inner hurt he already causes himself

honestly it's just.. giving manchild a little bit, he's someone who still needs a lot of emotional attuning and nurturing in relationships because he himself isn't very good at it, he doesn't really know how to because most of the time he's disconnected from his emotions himself

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Blondes, feet, bowl-cut guardian lady.

He did not, they never had sex. But he was in love with her.

For sure. I think she struck him more like a teenager with the black hair and bangs, after the change (both visual and in attitude) she became a far more mature AND attractive person in his eyes.

PFFT, well, if you're saying they meet ALL of the criteria, I assume you mean both in looks and personality and hence be damn near his soulmate. DU drow could overlook weird feet (and a lot of other things, actually) if he were in love with the person in question. He would probably gently request they take better care of them, though.

Nothing special there, I'm afraid! He just has human-like skin - perhaps a little on the oily side but completely within the bounds of normality.

He runs a little hot, if that's anything. Oh! His hair is shockingly soft.

Correct! DU drow only (arguably) looks like a drow. He doesn't have their usual bone structure, height, or associated magical proclivities. He has some dark vision but its nowhere near as good as a drow's either.

I don't necessarily think all Bhaalspawn are the same way, but the Dark Urge IS quite different from the previous game's iterations. DU isn't simply Bhaal's child conceived with a partner, he's a piece of the god that supposedly slobbed off and grew legs and a face, pretty much. So yes, I do think that the Dark Urge at least is it's own unique thing.

The reason why he looks like a drow, is because he was placed in the Underdark upon creation. The metaphor I always use here is that if you place something infantile in a biome that is alien to it, it may try to adapt to it's environment to survive as it develops, to different degrees of success. This is why DU drow looks the way he does.

[MORE UNDER THE CUT]

You're welcome!

I've received a few snippets here that you can find through the #gift art tag! There is also the fic I'm in the process of writing called A Novel Experience on AO3.

It was just something I was compelled to do when I first drew him! The facial scars felt like they should lead into something else so I just made up a pattern on the spot, minus a tiny tweak here or there, it has stuck basically unchanged. All and any lore relating to the scars came later.

I get a lot of sweet messages but "thanks for your man's penis size" has to be one of my favorites. Thank you!

HELLO!

Thank you so much for the kind message! And that sounds like a fun dream, I love that your Tav got jealous of the attention ASTARION was receiving instead of mad that he had to share in the first place LOL

DU drow is desperately monogamous. He doesn't care what other people do with their lives but he's very much a "one and done" kind of person.

He would be willingly to participate in a threeway/have group sex with a partner, assuming the rules and regulations of said encounter were laid out clearly before or at least mutually understood between them. He would never want to see these people again after the fact though.

She does not, naturally I had no idea that this character was going to turn into anything when i made him, so I just... Made a lady. And since she was supposed to be a "guardian" I gave her a Joan of Arc type of look.

I've occasionally thought about changing this, but... Y'know, sometimes you don't need lore to be that in-depth, LOL.

The emperor gave everyone else a nondescript hottie he assumed they would trust, DU drow just got the same treatment. She's not even DU drow's type but definitely someone he would be compelled to take seriously yet not feel threatened by - so ultimately, her design does make sense.

---

That's all I have the energy for tonight folks, as always thank you for the many encouraging and sweet messages you send me, I'm sorry I can't reply to all of them! 😭

Have yourselves a great week!

[cowboyjen68]

Hey. I stumbled across your blog completely on accident, but it seems it might have been for a reason. I’ve just turned 18, just graduated high school and everything feels like it’s changed very quickly. I’m scared, I’m queer and I still feel like a little kid even though it seems like the world is suddenly treating me like an adult. I know the answer is not to run off to a cabin in the woods and isolate myself even more, but I’m just so overwhelmed and I don’t know what happens from here. Any advice?

One thing you can remind yourself of is turning 18 does not suddenly give you a great awakening and insight to adult information, only experience and time can help with that. The best hope I have for you is that as you are having life experiences, through the lens of a young queer, is that you remind yourself that at the end of the day you have the right to be yourself and comfortable in your sexuality and those you meet who are not do not define you.

Find older adults who more about sharing their stories and life experiences and a little less about "I shall teach you how to be". Through stories and recounting of their lives they will impart to you many pieces of information that can help you navigate life but you can decide what will suit your personality and what will not. No one set of blueprints will fit everyone's life so getting many perspectives can be helpful.

I don't think I really perceived myself as an adult until my mid 20's. My girlfriend and I bought our first house and I was standing in a small living room full of boxes and finally was like "Ohhhh yeah.. I am a grown up". I have to unpack, no one else will do it.

Listen to your gut and don't second guess yourself. Listen about people, about friends, about your next move, your job. You can ask for and take in advice but at the end of each day you have to live with any decision, at least for the time being. That does not mean you will always be right OR that the decision will be the easiest to make but listen to yourself.

An example. You have a job opportunity. It is okay. Not what you wanted but it pays okay and the boss is not horrible Your friends, who want to see you happy encourage you to keep looking and get a job you will love. BUT you know you have rent and car insurance and even if this job is lackluster you need the cash more that you need the fulfilment of a perfect job. Listen to your friends, seek the best job but in the meantime take what pays the bills.

Making adult decisions means weighing the options and deciding if you need to choose what is best for you or what is best for others who might be affected by what you choose.

Don't worry about "growing up". Do the best you can, ask for help when you need it and don't feel obligated to take advice that does not feel right EVEN if you asked for it. Be gracious to those who support you and don't give too much energy to those who don't.

One last thing that seems pretty relevant these days. You are not obligated to hate or dislike or cut off friends or family you love if they are not aligned with you values. If you can get more happiness out of that relationship than sorrow it is okay to compartmentalize. It is also okay to distance yourself quietly with no big production when you deem it necessary. Listen to what you want not what others want you to want.

You will be okay.

[elvensorceress]

sunday sentences

@spotsandsocks @chaosandwolves @livinginsunnyhell @rainbow-nerdss @eddiebabygirldiaz @tizniz @bekkachaos @thelikesofus @hippolotamus @rainbow-nerdss @sofa-king-lame @ronordmann @sazanahashi @kejfeblintz @evaneds 💕 tagging anyone who wants to share something no pressure 💕

The last stop before Eddie goes to wait out his remaining hours in LA in his dark, empty house, is his tía’s. 

She meets him in the driveway and hugs him tightly. Too tightly. The way she used to when he was much younger. When everything was overwhelming, lonely, horrible, but he was devoutly holding it in, and Pepa would know he was breaking. She somehow always knew. She’d hug him like she wanted to lift the weight he was carrying and keep it from killing him.

She would cradle Eddie in her arms and tell him it was okay and that he wasn’t bad, he hadn’t failed, he has a good heart and he should have patience, kindness, forgiveness given to him. 

As long as he was in her arms, he wasn’t being crushed and wasn’t alone. And then he’d cry because she told him he could, that it was okay. Then it would feel a little better. 

Who would be able to listen to her reassurance and validation and not cry? Even now, it makes him want to crumble and burst into tears when they hug like this. The feeling is still there, the urge to just let go and break and sob until he’s empty and can’t any more. But he doesn’t.

He got too numb, too old, too jaded for even her words and affection to reach him. It was too hard to believe. They were just faded platitudes. His sins grew to be too great.

This isn’t the same. He’s not punishing himself. He needs to earn happiness. He needs to earn his son back in his life. This is Eddie’s choice. He doesn’t have to do this but he wants to do this so he is doing it. It won’t make everything better, but he’ll have Chris. 

He’s too hollow and numb right now to feel anything else. 

Pepa takes his chin in her hand. “Don’t let them tell you you are anything less than a good father. A wonderful, most selfless father. Don’t you tell yourself that either.” 

Eddie tries to smile genuinely for her. It’s sweet that she believes that and tells him as much. But he’s not sure can ever believe it. He changes the subject instead. “Can you do something for me?” 

“Anything, mijo. What is it?”

The word, the endearment makes his chest tight. He wishes, wishes his aunt could have been his mother. He wishes he could have had a mother who actually felt like a mother to him. Someone who at least attempts to not think the worst of him. “Will you—” He can’t say it. He can’t think it. But he has to. This is his choice. He’ll be happy. Eventually. He needs to be with Chris. He can’t miss out on Chris’ life. “Will you,” Eddie tries again. He just has to get the words out. They’re just words. 

But they make it real. Is that the problem? Is that why they’re so difficult?

He doesn’t even know why he’s asking. Why it feels like he needs to. Other than he knows Pepa and knows she’ll be able to look and reach and connect where other people can’t. Maybe because he knows she’ll be missing Eddie more than most people. Hopefully anyway? And she’ll know what it’s like. She’ll know what to say and how to comfort. She always does. 

Eddie hopes. That’s all he can really do. Hope. 

“Will you look out for Buck?” He finally says. Finally asks. “For me? He’s been. Baking. He likes baking and I’ve been assisting. And I don’t know— I don’t know what he’ll do. How he’ll do. Without. Assistance. He needs someone. He needs—”

He needs someone who loves him unconditionally. Everyone leaves him and Eddie has to leave him and he wasn’t supposed to leave him. They were supposed to be— God, he doesn’t know what they were supposed to be but it’s something. In each other’s lives forever? That at least? 

“I don’t know what he’ll do without me. Not— not me specifically. But without someone like me? Who looks out for him. And you always did that for me. Made me feel better. Loved me no matter what. And he— he needs that, too. I don’t know what he’ll do without that. I don’t know what I’ll…” 

I don’t know what I’ll do without him.

[maxdibert]

Do you think Snape had romantic feelings for Lily? What do you think about how main part of fandom associates his story only with his «undying love»?

I’m somewhere in the middle between those who think it was romantic and those who think it was platonic. I believe it was both, because the two can easily get confused.

To put it in context, I work with people who not only had terrifying childhoods and youths but, in general, pretty horrible lives. On top of that, most of these people have severe mental disorders like schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, or similar issues where severe emotional deprivation has been a major conflict in their social and emotional development. That said, one of the things I’ve learned (because my boss is amazing and pays for training courses for the whole team so we can better understand the people we work with) is that people with severe emotional deprivation tend to choose, throughout their lives, one or more individuals as their “attachment figures.” Usually, it’s just one person, though this can change over the years since these relationships often fall apart. This attachment figure isn’t necessarily someone they have a romantic or sexual relationship with, but rather someone they unconsciously choose as the object of their affection. All their emotions are directed at this person: all their attention is on them, and they are willing to do anything for them. They always talk to them, are always attentive to what’s happening to them, always worry about how they’re doing, always share everything with them, and always count on them.

But because this attachment is completely excessive and unregulated (since these people don’t know how to regulate themselves due to not having been taught, nor are they capable of forming healthy emotional bonds because of terrible role models and deep emotional wounds), it also works negatively. In other words, if you are someone’s attachment figure and suddenly stop responding to their messages, they will demand an explanation. If you hang out with other people, they will demand an explanation. If you make plans without them, they will demand an explanation. Being the attachment figure is a substitute for the emotional role model that wasn’t provided in childhood, like parents, so you’ll face tantrums like those of children feeling they’re not the center of their parents’ world. To these people, you are the center of their world, and unconsciously (because these kinds of attachments are entirely irrational—it’s super important to understand that this isn’t something they do on purpose), they want to be the center of yours. When they realize they’re not, they explode. They don’t know how to handle it because their insecurity and fear of loss and abandonment are so overwhelming that they feel they’re about to lose their attachment figure. Since they can’t control their emotions, their response is always incredibly anxious and aggressive.

With that in mind, I think that for Severus, Lily was his attachment figure. I believe that during his childhood, he saw her as his first equal (a witch), someone he could share things with that he wasn’t allowed to at home, someone with a functional and stable family, someone who treated him kindly and was good to him. I think that, because of this, she unconsciously became his emotional reference point. I think he was entirely dependent on her attention, as many people with emotional deprivation are with their attachment figures. I also think that, because this happened during his adolescence, and because she was a girl, was beautiful, and was loved by everyone, he probably confused it with love, a crush, or something like that. Let’s remember that Severus had no idea what healthy or functional romantic relationships were because the only example he had was his parents’ relationship, which was probably a complete disaster. In fact, that’s why I think he never questioned many of Lily’s attitudes toward the bullying he suffered—because in his home, the normalization of violence was justified, and contempt between partners was the norm. So, when she hinted that the bullying he endured wasn’t such a big deal, it probably seemed normal to him compared to how his parents treated each other.

In my opinion, it was both platonic and romantic, but not romantic in a deep sense—more of a deviation from the concept influenced by adolescent sexual awakening and the fact that she was the closest thing to someone he cared for. But primarily, I think Lily was his attachment figure from childhood. And as often happens in these situations, the attachment figure doesn’t feel nearly as strongly or intensely in return. It’s not reciprocal—not because the attachment figure is bad or inconsiderate, but because this is something that only develops when there are severe emotional deprivations, which Lily didn’t have. Honestly, this theory fits much better with the idea that feeling even slightly responsible for her death was something that paralyzed him for the rest of his life. It wasn’t just about being responsible for someone he might have felt romantic feelings for, but also for someone who was like a sister or even a mother to him. For people like this, the attachment figure is all those things—they are everything. And it also explains why, when begging for her life, he didn’t consider anyone else—because, in reality, no one else mattered to him. For people with attachment needs, only their attachment figures matter. This can be complex to understand for those without severe emotional traumas or serious mental health disorders, but it’s quite normal if you regularly interact with people like this.

So maybe during his adolescence, he thought he was in love, because such an intense feeling toward someone of the opposite gender is always culturally justified as romantic love under the heteronorm. And he was probably sexually attracted to her, which is super logical and normal because, well, teenagers, hormones, and all that. But if we get to the root of the matter, I don’t think it was that kind of love. I think it was actually a more platonic feeling, one of pure emotional and affective dependence on her.

[castlebyersafterdark]

Byler date night HCs? Like I’m thinking they live alone together, possibly in college, or just as older adults. They go out to a nice restaurant together, then get home and…..😵‍💫😉

Also, what do you think they’d wear? All dressed up in suits?

You probably wanted spicy but you're getting mostly sappy.

Teenage Byler - Hawkins

Early dates are lowkey. Secretive. Video games and movies in Mike's basement. Not much changed from when they were just best friends, but a lot more kissing. Kissing in between levels of Nintendo. Missing half the movie because they were making out and Will insists they rewind to catch up and then they just end up making out again.

Long drives. To find someplace to park. Enjoy time alone. Or just to escape a bit and talk as woods and farmland speed by the windows as Mike drives them all over the surrounding area.

Drive in movie theater. Mike dressing up a little nicer to meet Will at his door, a Real Date, even if they'll just be sitting in the car yet again. Where it's dark and there's too much else to pay attention to than the two boys getting handsy in the car off to the side in the back.

They tried a local diner together as a date, but it feels too exposed now, even though they're not doing anything suspicious.

Movie theater dates. Like they always have, but this time it's clear it's a date. Hands held under the big popcorn bucket. Feels like a scandal waiting to happen. They always let go after so long.

The arcade is safe, as long as they don't stand too close.

Dates to the lake. Picnic and a field and wildflowers and Will's sketchbook and Mike as his muse.

College/Older Byler. Living in NYC

They're still going to the movies, but they're not afraid to hold hands because once they discover it's an option, they can go to movie theaters in neighborhoods that are populated by gay men. Same for going out to dinner, although over time they're comfortable going to places all over the city, but it is nice to go out and dress up to a nicer restaurant and look at the staff and know that you're among your people.

A simple walk in the park is nice, and Central is huge and bustling, people watching, etc. And certain areas they can hold hands and share a kiss because they're not the only men doing so, they're not a spectacle. It's not a perfect world or city but it's NYC - theres always something stranger going on.

They do go to bars and clubs together. Will like to dance, like dressing cute in ways that would get him attention if he was single, but all it does is make Mike keep him close and make it known they're together, it gets him to dance instead of sitting awkward at the bar or booth. Mission accomplished.

Will's favorite dates are to museums. Because there's so many, and they're both such chatty nerds when they have opportunity to go on about their interests. Nothing more captivating than the other's passion.

Nights in where they order in or attempt to cook for each other. Taking the time to set the table. Candles, maybe. At home, but dressed nice. Quieter. Intimate. Easier to segue from dinner to bedroom (or sometimes barely making it out of the kitchen).

Coming home from some fantastic night out, Will dragged Mike to the theater for a musical and Mike ended up having a good time despite initial reluctance. But Will's so excitable and that makes Mike so enamored. Flirty on the subway, tipsy after stopping at a local spot for a few glasses of wine after the show. Grabbing at each other in the elevator. Shirt buttons popped in the doorway. Tripping over pants and shoes until Mike gives up and carries a giggling, drunk Will to the bedroom.

[krobezgades]

BANJO

W: timeskip 50 years after the events of Act 3 of Arcane's season 2; OC with no name, no use of Y/N, english is not my first language, I apologize if there are any mistakes or inaccuracies in the text. It’s kind of songfic actually, so if you want you can check on song «Мне было бы легче петь — Аквариум» and its lyrics.

No matter how fiercely the stone is wounded, it bears no grudge and harbors no plans for revenge over its chipped side. It just lies awkwardly in place, cracked at its most visible point, steadfastly enduring the gazes of passersby. Ten years will pass, and moss will creep up its summit, completely enveloping its cold, scarred flesh. Then, wrapped in a fluffy green cocoon, it will conceal from everyone the very existence of that chip. It will know of it alone, quietly coexisting with the thought of its small imperfection. An enchanting imperfection.

The reborned city will cherish its scars from a distant past as if they were its greatest treasures. I have spent enough time here to confidently call them trophies.

I remember every crack in this road; every pattern of peeling paint on the corners of buildings that aspire to perfection in their height and flawless geometry. Echoes of a past that roared through this street half a century ago still hide within the minor imperfections of seemingly repaired walls. I vividly recall how this alley was cleared of fallen concrete blocks from the tower. I know well that at the intersection of two houses, in the very corner, lies a modest meter of granite cobblestones that cracked on that very day and was left unreplaced due to the inaccessibility of that nook. The new road looks splendid. These streets live their lives, their bright present, yet unobtrusively remind us of their past.

A musician by the entrance of a small shop is as old as the world itself. He was old when we were young, and he has played the same songs all his life. Their tender melodies have become part of my own consciousness; they cling to my mind so that I hear this music even on days when the old man with the weathered banjo does not come out to play. Strolling down this street always feels serene, almost perfect.

This path, starting from my own doorstep and ending at the gates of the Academy, I could traverse with my eyes closed, never stumbling once. This road is the least of what one can learn over more than fifty years of relentless repetition. Whether it rains or shines makes no difference, I will never lose my way here. It seems that even if all the cobblestones were shattered to pieces, I would still be able to walk blindfolded. All these paths have been explored back and forth, and the only thing that changes here each day is the faces of people. Countless happy and sorrowful, young and old, in love and lonely. Some faces I do not recognize, but many — mostly those of children — seem very familiar to me. I knew their parents as children when we were young. These beautifully diverse people! I look at them with the same thoughts.

Of all the fears available to them, which seems the most dreadful? A girl bitten by a stray dog now fears dogs. A heartbroken lover, since being left behind, will fear trusting others again. Meanwhile, the greatest fear of all is missing something. Every crack in this road. The pattern of peeling paint on building corners. The nagging thought gnawing at the weary mind of a dear one. Failing to notice it once can suddenly reveal that this thought can no longer be extracted from someone else’s head. Indeed, that head has become entirely foreign; it is the very head you manage to memorize along with every strand falling onto the pillow in a shared bed. The face becomes unfamiliar too. The gaze changes. As it reaches a fever pitch, that insistent thought hits its limit and becomes the sole source of movement. And how can one abandon it when moving has become so arduous?

Life goes on. The city has healed and forgiven all its offenders. It has not reproached anyone for its sorrow and has grown anew upon its own ruins. How disheartening it is that people cannot do the same.

My body has renewed itself thousands of times since it all happened, yet with each new gray hair and thread of wrinkle, I feel as though the past refuses to let me go.

Thousands of nights help to coexist with the past, but they do not allow for complete reconciliation. My mind was not mathematically inclined, and even after all these years, I am unable to approach the solution to the mysterious formula. The formula according to which that intrusive thought should have resolved itself in someone else's head. Perhaps it all comes down to the nature of the mind.

I turn around at the quiet thud almost automatically, no matter where in the city it echoes. An old man, bent under the weight of years, walks alongside me. Unable to discern the sound of his footsteps, I distinctly hear the rhythmic tapping of the metal tip of his cane.

The most understandable and sweet sound in the world.

Intermingling with the soft, creaky voice of a musician and his battered banjo, this thud itches somewhere deep in my chest. It is a melody from a long-gone past when both we and this city were still young. And if the city can still proudly stretch its countless concrete backs into a stately posture, I can no longer straighten my old shoulders. Side by side with this giant, we have been stretching in different directions over the years: the city upwards, and I towards the ground. We know each other better than anyone else. I greet every crack in this road and every pattern of peeling paint on the corners of buildings; and in return, the city greets me with a symphony of the most familiar sounds. It knows me well.

The shortest route to the Academy lies through the old market. Long ago, it was built perfectly: bright stalls, resembling one another and always impeccably clean, stood in neat rows without any garish variety. Many years ago, this city would not have tolerated excessive diversity even in its trading rows, and now there is a delightful fair every day. Small imperfections have given this place a special charm, visible in the colorful flags on now so different stalls and the great variety of goods from two cities. It is no longer necessary to display products in straight lines. It is not essential to adhere to the strict color palette of the city. And it is these inaccuracies that have infused the place with life.

As I walk along the very edge of the fair, not diving into the crowd, I habitually stop next to a stall where bags of nuts are displayed at face level. I lower my dry palm into the pistachios. I pick one up. Bringing it closer to my face, I squint. With age, my vision has become quite cloudy. This can be reconciled with when you know the city by heart, but some things still deserve to be examined thoroughly for the tenth or even hundredth time.

In a crack of the pale shell, a green side of an aromatic kernel has appeared. Without this crack, this little charming imperfection, would the bright nut be visible?

I still do not understand how I failed to notice it at first glance. Sometimes it seems that time has lost its count; my time is also nearing its end, and yet I cannot grasp so many things. When you are very young, it feels as if just a little longer and all the complexities of the world will become clear, that this understanding will inevitably come with age and experience. And here I am, already over seventy, still as bewildered as I was at twenty. And the morning is just as it was at twenty.

Crossing the gates of the Academy for the thousandth time, I do not hurry to enter the building. Not far from the entrance, a pedestal with tall, proud statues has recently emerged. I stand before them feeling quite small and catch myself thinking that now I truly feel tiny.

— Beautiful, isn’t it?. — A voice sounds behind me, and I don’t need to turn around. The hoarse yet lively voice brings me back to my senses. I merely shrug. — You don’t like it?

— You know better how monuments should look, Ekko. .

— Everyone decides for themselves what the monument should look like. — He concludes, standing very close and politely offering his elbow. — Really, Miss Dean, what don’t you like? Indeed, a cane and stoop are not the best epithets for a statue; that’s why they weren’t included.

I shrug again. He is the only person who speaks to me about these things as if nothing has happened. And he is the only one I am grateful to for it.

— It’s not about the cane.

— Then what is it?

The empty gaze of the statue looks into the distance, at the rooftops of the city. I don’t remember exactly, but his gaze must have looked the same way.

I never think about it at all. Never. I am deeply concerned only with the details of this city. Why should I remember anything else? And yet…

— Not a single mole on its face. There should be two, actually.

Ekko is silent, then he pats me on the shoulder. If I had retained my youthful boldness, I would lament this. He used to pat me on the shoulder with a lively cheer, as if teasing; now these comforting gestures do not touch me.

— Forgive the sculptors their little inaccuracy.

The city forgives everything.

— Beautiful work. The Academy was missing something monumental. Besides the huge building, there should have been something to make this place breathe.

Ekko leaves. He is not interested in long, candid conversations where one must piece together some deeper meaning bit by bit. He fears touching on certain things not so much out of a desire not to offend but out of fear of stirring something in his own soul.

Meanwhile, reminders are everywhere. The city keeps its imperfections just for people like him. Every crack in the road. Every pattern of peeling paint on the corners of buildings.

The city tries to drive me into the Academy’s lecture hall with the booming sound of a bell, promising the start of classes. This ringing hasn’t changed for what seems like hundreds of years. It rang before us, rang when we were young, rings now, and will ring for many more years to come. This metal is not afraid of death or oblivion.

Tearing my gaze from the statue, I turn it back to the road that has been our path for so many years and now lies only before me.

The same melody still plays on. A musician by the entrance of a small shop is as old as the world itself. He was old when we were young, and he has played the same songs all his life. Their tender melodies have become part of my own consciousness; they cling to my mind so that I hear this music even on days when the old man with the weathered banjo does not come out to play. Strolling down this street always feels serene, almost perfect. It just lacks one small imperfection: the quiet tapping of a cane.

While the soft voice of the banjo hums in my mind, my legs lead me into the lecture hall. Hundreds of young faces, whose joys and sorrows this city will witness more than once, greet me with calm anticipation.

“Good morning, Dean…,” “Dear Dean…, I’d like to consult you about my new project…,” “Dean…, what if…»

Hundreds of voices hush as my bent silhouette stands at the lectern.

— May I have your attention. The materials for today’s lecture are not included in the late edition of the history manual. Everything you hear from now on will not be on the exam, so if you are not paying attention to the topic, there will be no consequences.

The lights in the lecture hall dim. A student sets up the projector, and with a gentle press on the metal lever behind me, a pale portrait blooms to life. With two beautiful moles on its face.

— Write down the topic.

“The Final Glorious Evolution.”

[tracksuitponytail]

A huge thank you to all the wonderful writers in this fandom for sharing your stories and providing us with a place to retreat through your words and visions.

🌸 Something About You Feels Like Home by @marwritesstuff [E, 40k, omegaverse]

The one in which Harry is a sheltered and inexperienced omega, brought up in a very traditional family, who just moved alone to London to finish his studies. There, he attends a concert by indie band The Rogue. Louis is the lead singer of The Rogue and is a bit tired of not finding a connection. Harry wants to let go of his family's rules and restraints, and Louis wants to find an omega to cherish and take care of.

🌸 Introduction to Dynamics by @juliusschmidt [E, 29k, omegaverse]

Louis Tomlinson is the outspoken omega in the 'Introduction to Dynamics' course Harry wishes he didn't have to take. He's nearly certain to present as a beta, after all. Things will be simple for him.

🌸 Quiet People Have the Loudest Minds by @2tiedships2 [M, 38k, omegaverse]

The one where Louis is a nonverbal omega who has accepted the fact that he will never find an alpha that will treat him as an equal. On the other hand, he’s never met anyone like Harry.

🌸 don't want no other shade of blue by padfootyoudog / @louisisworthit [E, 58k, omegaverse]

“I know you’re putting on an act,” says Harry after a moment, and Louis scowls when he realises the prince is actually amused.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” says Louis.

“All I’ve heard over the past couple of years are rumours of Prince Louis’ kindness, and generosity, and oh, he’s so handsome I can barely pour his tea without shaking!” says Harry, putting on a silly, high-pitched voice for the last bit. Louis’ scowl deepens. “I would already know if you were just another selfish, bratty omega prince. You can’t fool me, darling, but I admire your efforts.”

“As you said,” Louis grits out, “those are only rumours. I assure you, I’m a terrible person.”

—

prompt 339: it was foretold that Alpha Prince Harry would be mated to a beautiful male omega with eyes that could rival the stone amethyst, but Omega Prince Louis refuses to believe it.

🌸 i was yours (i wish you were mine) by staybeautiful / @harruandlou [E, 56k, famous/non famous]

Ten years ago Harry dropped his best friend and high school boyfriend off at the train station and never saw him again. Now, he's twenty seven, living in NYC, and dreadfully unlucky in love. He can't stop wistfully thinking of Louis promising that they'd see each other again in ten years time. A chance meeting outside a bar has them tumbling head first into a summer of music, milkshakes, and maybe each other.

🌸 apple pie baked just right by 28goldensfics / @28goldens [E, 106k, farm]

Louis has to get away. The news of his father’s terminal diagnosis, the loss of his job, and the breakup with his girlfriend leads Louis to leave for a life of slower things in the small town of Cedar Hills.

His new neighbor is the Cox Family Apple Farm. Harry Styles, the oldest child of the Cox Family, might just teach him how to live life a little simpler, bake an apple pie, and breathe.

🌸 i would know you from touch alone by staybeautiful / @harruandlou [E, 72k, soulmates]

The Tomlinson and Cox gangs have hated each other for over forty years. Harry Styles, the grandson of Gritty Cox, was freshly back to the city after uni when, on his first night out, he punched the Tomlinson heir in the face. It shouldn’t have mattered, their gangs have done worse to each other. But all it took was one single touch to recognize your soulmate. Louis was adamant that being soulmates changed nothing, not who they were or which family they were loyal to. Or, at least, it shouldn’t have.

🌸 The Naked Truth by @larrysmomfics [E, 80k, strangers to lovers]

The producers of Naked Attraction decide to do a 'Second Chances' edition of the show where past contestants who didn't find love on the show the first time can re-apply in hopes that the second time's a charm. Superfan of the show and season three contestant, Harry Styles, is nervous when he first finds out that Niall, Harry's roommate and production assistant on the show, has signed him up to be one of the singletons vying for a date with none other than Louis Tomlinson, from season one, who also happens to be the man Harry has pined for, drooled over, and borderline stalked since he first discovered the show. Will Louis pick Harry? Will Harry share the naked truth about his superfan and supercrush status with Louis? Will Niall Horan ever stop meddling? Find out if going au naturel can lead to a second chance at love in The Naked Truth!

🌸 Buried Like Treasure by QuickedWeen / @becomeawendybird [E, 40k, royalty]

Prince Harry Styles is very private. He chooses to keep himself out of the public eye but feels lonely and isolated while surrounded by people in his hectic royal life. When he finishes his dissertation, he decides to take a solo holiday to one of the royal family's properties in the Swiss Alps.

Semi-retired thief Louis Tomlinson has been pulled in for one last job: steal a painting from an uninhabited mansion. Neither one of them expects a natural disaster.

🌸 Hiding Green Smiles by @holdingontochaos [E, 45k, omegaverse]

When Louis goes with Liam to a hidden sex shop, he discovers a new sex toy, the BiteMat, and he can't believe his luck. He loves being bitten, has a biting kink, even, and now he can be bitten over his bonding spot without the fear of anything permanent.

He hastily buys it to try with Harry, his friend and roommate, and his regular heat/rut partner for the last eighteen months. They've been friends-with-benefits outside heat or rut for eight months now, and Louis' been desperately in love with Harry for at least five of those months.

🌸 lemon eyes by @turnyourankle [E, 50k, omegaverse]

It's not proper for omegas to mess around with alphas before finding their bondmate. But Harry doesn't give a damn what's proper and fully intends on getting as much experience as he can before even trying to find one. As far as he's concerned, the right alpha won't care, and he'll have some fun on the way.

And who better to start with than Louis Tomlinson, the alpha with the worst reputation on campus?

[gemsofgreece]

thoughts on the new thessaloniki metro?

Well, I will have to visit it and see it with my own eyes to form a proper opinion. The following are based on what I watched on TV and the Internet:

I watched a few videos and the most notable thing for me was the widespread excitement of the citizens of Thessaloniki, which was so pleasant and almost unprecedented for me to see, because you know how we are always so suspicious and reserved with everything that happens within the borders of our country. Even expats from Germany came to see it, even foreign people, for example from Georgia! This created a sentiment of generalised euphoria. I saw a few people - especially young Athenians - did not understand why the Thessalonians acted SO happy but I have lived a few years in Thessaloniki and people just don't have an idea how badly the city needed the subway. Not only it needed it badly, not only you entered the buses and weren't sure you will make it out alive due to how (almost fatally) overcrowded they were but the eternal metro construction works in process caused paralysing traffic issues downtown and a severe aesthetic deterioration of the streets. Thessaloniki needed the metro so much that the first plans for it were suggested 100 years ago! So no it's not because the Thessalonians are 500 years backwards... but because its creation after so many decades means so much to them. Besides, older Athenians confirmed the Attic Metro was also much smaller in its first years, serving only the center...

Funny reactions of Thessalonians when the first train arrived. I am laughing so much with the boy making his cross (I mean, he's not wrong):

I even made a gif of a moment... when the gates opened for the first time, the first one who enters is a very old dude and you can see from his gesture of triumph that he thought: "YES I LIVED TO SEE IT!!!". That was so hilarious!

Now, of course there are the drawbacks we could talk about again. It took 40 years (hence the enthusiasm of the old dude) and it is not even the whole thing yet. Really, the most pivotal extensions have not been created yet. The metro will be extended to Kalamaria next year but then it also has to extend to the west side (ie Evosmos, Sindos) where more than 250,000 people live. And of course it has to extend all the way to the airport, otherwise we 've done next to nothing. That's only when we will be able to talk about a fully functional metro. And I heard the airport extension will be ready... in 2040..... so once again let us hope we are going to be alive to see this one too!

Then it's also all the shady ways the antiquities were dealt with that have been condemned by most archaeologists. But after all, well, let's just not pretend there was an easy solution for it. It's not like they found an artefact here and there. They found the entire ancient city! So either if they changed entirely their route of the subway or what they actually did, literally pick up the ancient city and transfer it elsewhere temporarily and then put it back (for real, that's what they did!), it kinda makes sense that there were delays and fights and drama about it. I mean, sure, it should be ready much earlier but let's just not pretend it was an easy project. Another thing I noticed in the coverage of the inauguration that was so refreshing to me was that a lot of journalists interviewed actual workers from the subway and asked them about their struggles and feelings now that the metro was ready. Not the "minds"(...), they asked the "hands" of the project and I really liked that. People looked so eager and passionate to share their experience working there. Furthermore, amongst everyone who wanted to exploit the fruition of the project for their political benefit, I think there were even a few politicians who looked genuinely invested, most notably that old minister who was responsible for the project when the project first started 40 years ago and today gave a speech and then dissolved into tears. This was wholesome.

I guess, the general euphoria, even the positive internet comments (a most rare sight in Greek social media) indicates this is good for the city and the country and that strictly speaking the positives are more than the negatives.

Aesthetically, I think some statements in the likes of "best metro in Europe / the world" definitely are pushing it a lot but I also saw a Thessalonian saying in a video that photos and videos don't make it justice actually. In any case, I think it looks like a pleasant enough subway. Venizelou Station with the Decumanus Maximus, the discovered main road of the Roman period of Thessaloniki, called Μέση Οδός in Byzantine times (Middle Street), and all that part of the city that was unburied, plus other remains exhibited outside some other stations definitely give a uniqueness to the subway. They used to say that people will be able to walk on the ancient city and the politicians yesterday did exactly that

however maybe it won't be open to the visitors for walking after all, fearing a degradation of the archaeological site, and that makes sense. Okay I found out that the balconies surrounding the site have glass floors so you see the whole site like you are hovering above it. Then again there is also a huge projector showing stuff in the end of the road so I don't know how you'll get there without walking on it. Maybe it's going to be open for organized tours only? Idk just hypothesizing now

It's not just that though. There were 300,000 archeological finds during the making of the subway. I read that "only" 700 of those are exhibited in the various stations. For the rest they are going to build a Subway Museum near the Sintrivani station. They didn't say anything about that yesterday so it will probably take some more time. But when we have the addition of more trains, the stations to Kalamaria, the museum with all those artefacts that cover ALL eras of Thessaloniki from 315 BC to the modern period, and the future stations in the west part of the city and then to the airport, then yes we will be talking about a dang good subway.

Below I am adding videos and photos from the metro with some more commentary.

I think the following video gives the most accurate picture (obviously it's not going to be that crowded in normal days) :

And below is the station in Agia Sofia. What I liked particularly is how they presented the stratification of the history of the city as it is discovered archaeologically and geologically; the recent eras on top and the more ancient ones as you go deeper and deeper. This is how they presented all artefacts, in a continunation from top to bottom or rather an evolution from bottom to top. I found this very clever.

And this video is good for English speakers, it also stresses on something important I forgot to mention. This first line alone is expected to serve 300,000 people daily and decrease the presence of vehicles in the streets of Thessaloniki, with estimated 50,000 fewer cars! Now that's awesome on my list and I hope the predictions prove true:

The trains are automated and driver-less and the waiting time for each is 2.30 minutes.

Below some pics from the stations:

In conclusion, with all the drama and huge delay, I think it is fair to feel happy for Thessaloniki now and try to support the project as much as possible.

[beetle-blogging]

Honestly, it's possible that Richard would be at least semi-ok with (unrequited) Betel/Lydia.

Cause I've got the idea brewing in my mind for a bit now that it's plain weird that Lydia seems to never have run into anything really dangerous in her 16+ years career of dealing with ghosts (and I assume she was occasionally helping people for free before that. As an aside: Did she sell out because she started a family? Did her dad cut her off? Either cause of Richard or bc he wanted her to be independent?). We know some ghosts are sadistic psychos, and the Afterlife doesn't seem to give a fuck about Breathers in general. Lydia's defences seem to be either Talk or Flee (so far. I hope this'll change in the next movie), so how the hell is she still alive?

She has a bigger, badder ghost watching over her, that's how. And once Richard had died and came up to visit her, he might have become aware of that, if he visited while she worked.

Like, Betel has been stalking Lydia, and he reads obituaries. He knows which ghosts are likely to be dangerous before she encounters them, so he could've warned them off via tv message that they aren't to touch his girl. He also gets let out regularly through his - thanks to the strike which in Living time started way longer ago than in Afterlife time - very successful business, so if any of them ignored his infomercial, he could show up personally. Hogtie them before they can get to Lydia, throw them to the Sandworms, rattle some cupboards for the camera.

If one of Richard's earlier encounters with Betelgeuse was seeing him protecting Lydia - something that Richard himself as a newbie ghost wouldn't be able to do - Betel's whole... *gestures at the guy* would not matter. Much. I mean, he is a hugely powerful ghost who is also an obsessed stalker, but as both the power and the obsession are what's kept Lydia alive this long, Richard likely would rather the Juice stayed around. Well, ideally he'd have wanted Lydia to stop ghost hunting, but unless something bad happens (which it didn't cause of Betel), she's not gonna, is she? Especially not if she did need to make her own money. And then Rory entered the picture and...

Ok, new, adjacent headcanon: If Betelgeuse and Richard have ever been in the same room as Lydia and Rory, the two ghosts would have had a nice bonding moment over their shared hatred of That Asshole.

I mentioned in a prev post (will find and link later here) that I believe Betel might've made a deal with Richard so the latter would take on B's Code 699 violation punishment - at least the civil service - in return for being let out of his booth. Cause I doubt you can just leave work in the Afterlife, and Richard would have signed literally anything if it helped him save Astrid. So I doubt he'll be topsite again in movie 3. But flashbacks would be nice. I usually dislike them, but having some to show how enmeshed Betel has truly been in Lydia's life, with some of them having dead!Richard in the background looking vaguely pissed off (and those that contain Rory have both ghosts looking pissed off) would be really funny.

Ok, so we all agree that Betelgeuse and Lydia must have run across each other occasionally during work, right? Not that she could see him, but he almost definitely was responsible for some of those "evil presences" she felt.

Now consider:

Richard said that he was checking in on Astrid and Lydia all the time, even though he knows they can't see him. Betel was very strongly implied to have done the same, and was still stalking them throughout BJBJ.

Richard and Betelgeuse very definitely can see each other.

I'd be very interested to know how those run-ins went. Probably awkward af.